Weird Jobs!!!

I love my job because I get to learn all about other careers that are out there. Most people stick with one or two industries their whole life while I get to sample hundreds. And one of the funniest things I do during my comedy show is to ask people what their worst job was. We’ve all had ‘em. Those jobs you take just so you can put SOMETHING on your resume (we told ourselves it shows “initiative”) and/or pay the rent (what’s more humiliating than a bad job is moving back in with mom and dad).

One of my most hideous jobs was right out of college, when you just don’t know any better. There was a new term floating around called “marketing.” And I naively thought that all marketing was the same. . . direct marketing, marketing director, TELEMARKETING. You can guess which one I wound up doing. Now, when they don’t tell you the product in the help wanted ad, that means it’s something people don’t want to sell over the phone. In my case, it turned out to be selling sides of beef. My parents were out of town, and I thought, oh, won’t they be surprised that I got a job while they were gone – I’ll be all grown up! So I went for it!

After taking my pulse, the HR woman announced that I had aced the rigid interview process (okay, she just looked at me and saw I was healthy – true!), and she led me to my “office” … a conference room with other fresh college graduates who looked like deer in headlights too. The HR woman, who then morphed into my boss (she was a multi-tasker), told me they had qualified leads . . .then she handed me the phone book. I guess back in the 70’s she estimated that most of Northern Virginia ate beef, hence the phone book held thousands of qualified leads.

That first day I only had one old man interested in my beef; I talked him out of it. I asked him if he knew just how much beef that was – an entire side of a cow! Turns out he was just lonely and wanted to talk . . . which was fine with me because it kept me from having to dial those “hot” beef-eating people leads.

But that day I learned, as my joke goes, that beef is not something people buy over the phone. People aren’t sitting around their house saying, ‘hey, honey, we’re out of beef, I wish that girl would call.’ I lasted 6 hours, which gave me seniority!

I really did only last six hours. I did one 4 hour day (short days so as not to burn you out). Half way through the second day (I can’t believe I went back) me and another beef-seller took our regulation 15 minute break to go to Roy Rogers (I still don’t know why we went to a roast beef restaurant on our beef break???). Cutting through the parking on the way back to Beef Headquarters, I saw my car. I don’t even remember acknowledging the thought – my sub conscientious took over and I made a sharp left, leaving my new co-worker behind, as I GOT IN and sped awayFAST.. .just in case he reported me and my boss morphed into company security and came to track me down. I think she still owes me like $29 dollars for the hourly wage (lucky for them they didn’t owe me any commissions). I had just had my first real work experience within 36 hours and had gotten hired and quit before my parents got home.

I realize that telemarketing still has a usefulness for some people – I know a broke comedian who took a telemarketing job when his phone was cut off so he could make long-distance calls to get booked.. but telemarking is just not for me.

But it’s still fun learning about these wacky professions through my current job. And I now have a fun “worst job” contest during my show and it’s a riot. Apparently there are worse jobs than beef telemarketer.

One of the winners this week was a. . .. . . .see the short clip below. She survived and told me later that her boyfriend at the time (who’s now her husband) cleaned the mall bathrooms. Ya never know where that weird job will land you!

Stay tuned for more of Jan’s job adventures – either present (through the eyes of her audience) or past (she’s had several).

Jan McInnis is the author of Finding the Funny Fast; how to create quick humor to connect with clients, coworkers and crowds.

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