The Clampetts I’ve seen!

The airline employees have a name for the summer/holiday travel season with all these novice travelers – they call it “The Clampett Season.” Named after Jed and his family – the backwoods hillbillies – who didn’t quite know the rules in their new environment. I’m traveling today, and saw many Clampetts. . . don’t be one of ‘em when you ride on the airplane!!!!

The Salmon-Clampett. This is the person who puts his bag 4 rows BEHIND him on the plane, and then, when the plane lands, he pushes backwards (upstream if you will) while the other 119 of us are going forwards, to get it. The Salmon-Clampett will usually exacerbate the situation too by getting his stuff, and then pushing back through everyone to get back to his seat. . .even though he’s leaving the plane so it’s really not his seat anymore and he should now just stand back with his stuff. The Salmon-Clampett is the most annoying of all Clampetts.

The Gym-Rat-Clampett. This Clampett is getting his entire work out by doing pull-ups on the seat in front of him thinking it’ll count as exercise. Okay, older folks and those with disabilities may be excluded, but anyone under 70 who wants to stand up, should do so by using their arm rests and a little leg muscle. When Gym-Rat-Clampetts yank on my seat, it spills my wine. That makes me cranky. (Oh, and the same goes for leaning on seats as you’re walking down the aisle – that doesn’t count as doing pushups!)

The Clothing-Clampett. I overheard a woman today saying how she had to pull out 9 pounds of stuff from her suitcase to repack in her friend’s suitcase because she was over the 50 pound check-in limit. Come on! How many people did this Clothing-Clampett hold up? She needs to remember the golden rule of travel. . .EVERY TOWN HAS A STORE. You don’t have to pack every single thing in your closest because you MIGHT need it. I once traveled around Europe with an American friend and her Swiss friend. My friend and I almost got hernias from what we packed. . .her Swiss friend carried just a purse. I learned.

The Tantrum-Clampett. Seats are allowed to recline. Period. If you have a problem and need the person in front of you to keep their seat up, you need to be an adult and say something – NOT just kick the seat and throw a tantrum. I once had a guy kick and shake my seat for 30 minutes. I finally turned around and said cut it out. He told me his femur was broken and would I put the seat up. I said if he’d have asked me that ½ an hour ago I would have. But now since he kicked the seat for 30 minutes, it ain’t happening. In fact I told him that I’ll keep it back for 30 more minutes. Every time he kicked it, it was another 30 minutes. The woman next to me started laughing, and I cracked up too. I said I know, that’s childish. She said she was laughing because she saw my eyes closed, and my head bouncing against the seat, and she thought that I was the funniest sleeper she’d ever seen. She now realized why my head was bouncing! The guy didn’t like my 30-minute kick-free policy, so he finally got a flight attendant to move him, but he could have saved the hassle by just being an adult and explaining to me his problem. There is no law about putting the seat back, so stop throwing a tantrum when someone does. Ask nicely if you need a favor.

There are many other Clampetts out there, but these are the most annoying ones (to me anyway). Do yourself and your airline neighbor a favor and don’t be a Clampett.

Jan
Jan McInnis is the author of Finding the Funny Fast; how to create quick humor to connect with clients, coworkers and crowds. She can be reached at www.TheWorkLady.como